well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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