don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
