Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
