Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
