i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My bed smells like the plague
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
