i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
