Got a toothbrush?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize