I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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