Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize