Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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