While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
