official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
