i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
