So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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