Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
