oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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