just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
how drunk are you?
Several
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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