just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
