It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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