the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
