No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
