Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
