I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize