dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
