Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
