i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
