Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
