Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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