I accidentally had phone sex last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
