Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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