My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
