you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it glows. i had to have it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
