NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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