Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize