i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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