my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was like getting head from an anaconda
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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