she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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