So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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