we made out on top of his cat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
