"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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