He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
