i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize