I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
