New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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