I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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