Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
