i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
