OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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