I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
