just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize