Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
