I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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