Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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