3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you traded sex for a burrito?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
