It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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