): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
