This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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