so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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